A child who is anxious may display symptoms such as trouble sleeping, irritability or avoidance of social situations. They may be easily startled and cry when they hear a noise or see a shadow. They may avoid certain activities because they are afraid of what might happen, such as a class presentation or a trip to the grocery store. They may also have physical problems such as headaches or stomachaches. Anxiety can cause kids to behave in ways that are often misunderstood as behavioral issues or a lack of respect, Busman says. Tantrums or refusing to do homework, for example, might be a way for children to vent their anxiety or frustration.
The key to helping children is to understand their anxiety and what it means for them. The first step is to talk to them, but do so without grilling them, which could make them feel defensive and put on the spot. Instead, you can try asking leading questions to get them to open up. You can then use the tools below that licensed mental health clinicians use with children in therapy to help them face their fears and become more confident and resilient.
Children need validation of their emotions and experiences. They need to know that what they are experiencing is real and important to them, even if you disagree with their thoughts or feelings. You can do this by empathizing with them, imagining what it would be like to be in their shoes and offering reassurance that they will be fine in the future.
Another approach is to challenge their fears by saying things such as, “Fears can be powerful, but you are smart and strong. You can do this.” You can also offer encouragement and support to help them through difficult moments, such as cheering them on during a math test or acknowledging that getting a shot isn’t enjoyable but it will prevent illness later.
Kids can also learn to manage their anxieties by allowing themselves distress. This helps the whirring emotional center of the brain calm down enough to allow the thinking (cognitive) center to come online again. You can do this by encouraging your child to try distress tolerance techniques, such as splashing water on their face, running up and down stairs or tense and relax their muscles. Distress tolerance takes time, but it is a necessary step for overcoming anxiety.
For some kids, however, avoiding their fears will not work. They need to be exposed to their fears in order to learn that they are safe and that their body can handle them. This process is known as exposure therapy. Lewis once worked with a girl who was terrified of vomiting. She helped her develop a plan to expose herself gradually, and the girl made great progress.
If a young person’s anxiety is severe, or preventing them from doing their homework, participating in school activities or having friendships, they might need professional help. This can include a psychologist or psychiatrist. It might also mean using tools such as relaxation or mindfulness exercises. Some GPs have counsellors attached to their practices or can refer children to external counselling services.